The list

List of things I've been putting off:
Fix shoes
Buy iPhone cover
Take puzzle to grandma
Organize bills
New bed for ella

sheepish

I have not posted in a week. partly because, yes, i have faltered a couple of times. Let me try to remember what my challenge actions were this week-

*Finally got in touch with and spent time with another friend I had lost touch with for years. I am happy to have put a step towards rekindling our friendship. This made me realize that it is not always just about "clicking" with friends. It takes a big, consistent effort on both parts to carry on a friendship, especially when you don't have obvious life factors bringing out together, like being part of the same circle, or going to the same school.

*Bought a Lego set for my brother and I to spend some quality time together. Thought the time has not yet been spent, I know I did my part in reaching out and creating a thread for us to connect, and I know the Legos will soon be put to use. (Legos have a connection from our childhood)

*Went into work much earlier than usual to finish up a project deadline that I had set for myself. LOVED leaving at a freakishly early hour.

I've realized that most of my resolutions have been social. I think it takes a great deal of proactive effort to maintain relationships, which is easy to forget and take for granted. It usually does take one person reaching out because it's so easy to get caught up in daily life, that we forget how much the things that we consider to be "nice to have but ok to lose" could be so great if we acted on them. It might also mean that this is on the easier end of the spectrum of things I've been putting off... but then again, I've been putting it off for the same reasons as the more "difficult" things, so maybe not. I know myself enough to have an idea of which situations and people bring out the best in me. And often I forget that I need to surround myself with them to be on that track. When I need to remember how my best feels, it takes effort to remember to seek out the situation and people, instead of hope it shows up and be complacent when it doesn't.

*To me, being proactive is also about having difficult conversations that are easy to put off. I talked to my brother about how much it hurt me that he lied about a tournament he was competing in just so I wouldn't show up to watch him compete. It was a difficult conversation to have and he did not respond anywhere near what I would have liked to hear, but I know I did my part and I know it made an impact.

- more to come

On friendship

Today I went to dinner with a friend I keep meaning to see but never get around to. This particular friend has known me for nearly ten years. After an evening of laughter, I realized that friendships take work and the meaningful ones deserve to be fought fo, even if life brings you apart once in a while. And while friendships don't replace having one person who would do anything for you, it's lovely to know someone has your back and knows how to make you smile.

On accountability

Ok so I started my challenge today. Why? Because with things like this, there's nothing like accountability!! It's not a matter of weakness- I think we are far too forgiving of ourselves and able to justify anything in our own heads, including putting off being a better person. Because as long as eight hour workdays and endless errands need to be met, there is always tomorrow to improve ourselves. And the next day and the next day. And that is nothing to be ashamed of, unless the lesson never gets learned. Anyway, my challenge is to each day do one proactive thing, whether it's speaking my mind when I'd rather not or doing something I keep putting off. Today I went to look for a shower head for my grandma that I kept promising her. Though I haven't bought it yet bc it opened up bigger complications, I was able to move towards fixing her shower. And that is a great first step, if I may say so myself. :-) Let the climb begin!